Influencing Self-Worth

Praise the Lord, Chosen Women!

Last night after baths I enjoyed some 'Doing Nothing' time with my son. The parenting class that I teach describes this as time set aside with no focused activity or goal other than to be present with your child. I love this concept and have purposefully made time for it since his birth.

My son has a love of books and a vivid imagination, which I encourage. Last night instead of reading a book I told him we were going to make up a story. He got excited. He was familiar with us making up a story. Usually I will start the story, then he adds to it, and we go back and forth. This time I said, "No, you make up a story."

After a pause he began to describe the characters. He said, "Okay mom, I am a Superhero! I have power. I can fly! And I am going to save you!" I was shocked because I never heard him refer to himself as a superhero. I asked him about my character. He said, "Mommy, you are a Princess!" You know he got a big kiss for that one! He then began to act out a story in which I was falling down and a big box was going to hit me. He squashed the box and flew down to catch me. I said, "Thank you Superhero for saving me!" He tried to make the tone of his voice deeper and replied, "You're welcome Princess!"

This morning as I reflect on last night's play with my son it made me think about self-esteem. I often talk to parents about how we shape our child's self-esteem. I encourage them to watch over what they communicate to their children. This morning I am praising God that my son's self-esteem level causes him to see himself as super, a hero and powerful. He also sees himself as a helper -- a do-gooder. I also understand that this is, in part, because I have learned that the words that I speak to him and the way I interact with his helps to create his self-image. His father and I have worked diligently to make sure that those words and actions would build his spirit -- build good character -- build confidence and self-love.

He is told constantly that he is strong and able. His Auntie Dee-Dee gave me a phrase to teach him to say instead of "I Can't" (which is not allowed in our house). Instead he has been taught to say, "I need help." Of course he forgets and resorts to 'I Can't' when frustrated -- but we immediately redirect him to remember that he simply 'needs help.' He must understand that he can do all things -- through Christ Jesus.

We also understand that negative words and comments can take root and negatively inform his opinion of himself. Therefore, he is never told that he is stupid, bad, or unimportant. I remember even being corrected in the use of my vernacular on this blog when I called him "crazy." I meant funny -- comical. But, you know what? I took that correction because I do understand the power of words. I have tightened up my ship even more so in not just what I say TO him -- but how I communicate ABOUT him. I will not put things into the atmosphere that are negative. I have a goal to positively impact the life of my child. I want to help build a foundation of confidence and love in his life on which he can build a life of success.

As I began writing I thought that I would take this week's blog into a direction of contrasting our relationship with our children to the Lord's relationship with us -- His children. Yet I do not find myself being led in that direction. I feel in my spirit that someone reading needs to simply read about our role as parents. We in the body of Christ must understand that our first ministry is our family.

I often talk to my husband about us ensuring that we do not neglect our family for ministry. I have seen that some of the saint's children are broken because they were not viewed as their parent's first ministry. As their parents shouted and ran the walls of the church the children were lost right in the pews. Uh, oh Lord -- where is this going. Saints, I just write what comes out of my spirit. I know that all children gone astray is not because of this reason -- but we do need to take a critical look at this issue.

Some parents have simply made mistakes. This is not written to judge. I believe it is written to help those of us coming along the way with younger children. I tell my husband, "I do not want my son to ever hate church or God because we did not rightly present God and church to him." I understand that children eventually make their own choices -- as did we. I just do not want any negative choice to be influenced by me. SO . . . I will not allow his only social outlet to be at the church -- I have to make time for him with ME. I will not fill my calendar with so many meetings and services that I do not have time to go over homework with him -- read books to and with him -- go to the museum and zoo with him, etc.

I will not put my trust in men and release him to constant unsupervised care of others just because they are "in church." I will not leave him open to violation and danger. I will parent my child. God has given me that charge and that responsibility -- and I say, "Yes."

Have a wonderful week in Him!

In Service for the Master,
Evangelist Lisa Y. Mitchell